The Making of a Great Marriage - All About You

Hi Dear Hearts,

I'm here to offer tips for effective dating, and ultimately a great marriage. The key to a great marriage is a great you. If you would take time to discover who you are, what you're made of, and what you have to offer, you position yourself to receive what you deserve. A lot of what I've discovered came from people sharing with me what worked and what didn't work. I've listened carefully as relationship experts, as well as everyday people, explained timeless truths about the nature of a man and of a woman. Marriage is one of the greatest commitments one can make, yet with so much at stake, people often jump into it, or romantically "fall" into it. Can you afford to do so?

I see dating as a screening process. For me, it does not at all entail any sexual activity, holding hands, kissing, nor rolling on the floor. SMILE. Yes, my brothers and sisters, whether we give our children an alcoholic or anchorman for a parent, depends on who we choose. Pick one: A = the cheater, B = the pedophile, C = the drug addict, D = the butcher, E = the baker, or F = the candlestick maker. Believe that you are that powerful. One has a "right" to be an idiot and has the right to be of great character. Ma'am, what will be your children's last names? Sir, what woman will pick them up from school?

This exhortation is subtitled "All About You" because before getting involved, you are the only one you have control over. You can get your life in order and open the floodgate to receiving someone whole who complements your own wholeness. Discover who you are. How would you answer these questions?

1. What are your emotional needs (e.g., friendship, kindness, nonjudgmental compassion)?
2. Name 3 things you like about your mother (or primary caregiver). About you father.
3. What 3 things do you want to accomplish in the next 5 years?
For example, get a college degree or visit each continent.
4. How do you handle conflict/disagreements (fight, calmly confront, yell, shut down, cry, hit, drink, run away)?
5. Eating: Can you cook? Do you eat leftovers? Who will cook in your home?
6. Do you have a support system (Give-and-take relationships? Friends who want the best for you)?
7. What is your money personality (Are you a saver? spender? investor?)
8. What are you most proud of about yourself?
9. What social issue would you be willing to die for? Spend your life working on?
10. What type of things annoy you?

Are these questions helping you to uncover things you didn't know?

Let's go deeper...

11. Financially, what shape are you in? Do you have credit card debt? Do you have savings?
Men, could you support a wife and family at this point, or might your wife need to work for a while?
12. What is your Love Language (Quality time, Words of affirmation, Physical touch, Acts of service, or Receiving gifts)?
13. In terms of characteristics, traits, tendencies, and habits, what do you have to offer to a marriage partner? For example, I'm not too proud to apologize. I make it a point to be the first to say I was wrong.
14. What characteristics do you have that may hinder a long-term commitment? (For example, selfishness, lack of self-control, an addiction, etc.)
15. What do you need in a spouse? Want? Absolutely require? Nice to have?
16. Do you possess any of these proven factors of a success relationship: Open, honest communication; commitment to work; selflessness; forgiveness; consideration; compromise; self-care, nurture?
17. What do you value?
18. What emotional "baggage" do you possess?
19. Sexually speaking, describe your appetite/expectations.
20. What do you like about yourself? Love about yourself? Dislike? Regret?

Here are even more questions:

21. Where do you see yourself next year? In five years? In ten years?
22. If you want to have children, what is your vision for them? What characteristics would you want them to possess as adults (For example, to be kind, giving, the best at their vocation, healthy and financially prosperous)?
23. What role would you like to have as a husband? Wife? What's your view on traditional gender roles?
24. Do you feed/nurture yourself regularly? How?
25. If any, what are your hobbies? What do you do for fun?
26. What are you good at?
27. Lifestyle: Describe your grooming habits? How long does it take you to get dressed? How often do you typically bathe? Brush your teeth?
28. Childrearing: How were your disciplined as a child? What's your opinion on time out? Spanking?
29. Spirituality: How do you define it? Are you religious? How important is it that your mate share your beliefs?

30. Are you an employee or entrepreneur? Or both? To what extent?

I support you and I wish you the best!
Myisha

PS: I leave you with resources I received from friends:

Creative Conversation Suggestions for Dating

- Page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6
54 Creative and Constructive Dating Ideas

- Page 1, 2, 3.

Husband List

Hi Family,

By now, you know I'm big on To Wishin'. I must envision and decide what I want and keep it before me. With my choice in a husband and father of our children, the same principles apply. My dear friend, Jan, and the honorable Dr. Phil McGraw (Love you, Sir!) inspired me to develop my husband list.

Jan says that each time she and her husband went apartment hunting, they had a strategy, stuck to it, and the universe delivered every time! They never compromised; not even one dollar over their price range. She said if they compromised with one characteristic, others would soon follow.

First, after determining what they needed and wanted, they made two lists. The Deal Breaker list was of features absolutely essential (e.g., 2 bedrooms and office space). If the apartment didn't have them, it was no longer considered. The Highly Desirable list was of things they considered nice to have, but not required (e.g., a recreation room).

Second, on a map, they highlighted the boundaries within which they'd search.

Since they put time and effort into paying To Wishin,' the vision was complete. The search would be a breeze so on to step three- filtering newspaper ads against the lists.

Apartments which held up, received a phone call. If still on the list, the property earned a visit, during varying times and conditions: at night, early in the morning, and on the weekends. What was life really like in the neighborhood? After thorough inspection of the premises and several conversations with the manager and current tenants, they were richly rewarded with a dwelling that fit them like a glove.

Last I heard, the property was so loverly, they signed a 30-year contract. I bet their HOUSE is a sight to behold.

Would you like to see my husband list? Here you go.