The Making of a Great Marriage - All About You

Hi Dear Hearts,

I'm here to offer tips for effective dating, and ultimately a great marriage. The key to a great marriage is a great you. If you would take time to discover who you are, what you're made of, and what you have to offer, you position yourself to receive what you deserve. A lot of what I've discovered came from people sharing with me what worked and what didn't work. I've listened carefully as relationship experts, as well as everyday people, explained timeless truths about the nature of a man and of a woman. Marriage is one of the greatest commitments one can make, yet with so much at stake, people often jump into it, or romantically "fall" into it. Can you afford to do so?

I see dating as a screening process. For me, it does not at all entail any sexual activity, holding hands, kissing, nor rolling on the floor. SMILE. Yes, my brothers and sisters, whether we give our children an alcoholic or anchorman for a parent, depends on who we choose. Pick one: A = the cheater, B = the pedophile, C = the drug addict, D = the butcher, E = the baker, or F = the candlestick maker. Believe that you are that powerful. One has a "right" to be an idiot and has the right to be of great character. Ma'am, what will be your children's last names? Sir, what woman will pick them up from school?

This exhortation is subtitled "All About You" because before getting involved, you are the only one you have control over. You can get your life in order and open the floodgate to receiving someone whole who complements your own wholeness. Discover who you are. How would you answer these questions?

1. What are your emotional needs (e.g., friendship, kindness, nonjudgmental compassion)?
2. Name 3 things you like about your mother (or primary caregiver). About you father.
3. What 3 things do you want to accomplish in the next 5 years?
For example, get a college degree or visit each continent.
4. How do you handle conflict/disagreements (fight, calmly confront, yell, shut down, cry, hit, drink, run away)?
5. Eating: Can you cook? Do you eat leftovers? Who will cook in your home?
6. Do you have a support system (Give-and-take relationships? Friends who want the best for you)?
7. What is your money personality (Are you a saver? spender? investor?)
8. What are you most proud of about yourself?
9. What social issue would you be willing to die for? Spend your life working on?
10. What type of things annoy you?

Are these questions helping you to uncover things you didn't know?

Let's go deeper...

11. Financially, what shape are you in? Do you have credit card debt? Do you have savings?
Men, could you support a wife and family at this point, or might your wife need to work for a while?
12. What is your Love Language (Quality time, Words of affirmation, Physical touch, Acts of service, or Receiving gifts)?
13. In terms of characteristics, traits, tendencies, and habits, what do you have to offer to a marriage partner? For example, I'm not too proud to apologize. I make it a point to be the first to say I was wrong.
14. What characteristics do you have that may hinder a long-term commitment? (For example, selfishness, lack of self-control, an addiction, etc.)
15. What do you need in a spouse? Want? Absolutely require? Nice to have?
16. Do you possess any of these proven factors of a success relationship: Open, honest communication; commitment to work; selflessness; forgiveness; consideration; compromise; self-care, nurture?
17. What do you value?
18. What emotional "baggage" do you possess?
19. Sexually speaking, describe your appetite/expectations.
20. What do you like about yourself? Love about yourself? Dislike? Regret?

Here are even more questions:

21. Where do you see yourself next year? In five years? In ten years?
22. If you want to have children, what is your vision for them? What characteristics would you want them to possess as adults (For example, to be kind, giving, the best at their vocation, healthy and financially prosperous)?
23. What role would you like to have as a husband? Wife? What's your view on traditional gender roles?
24. Do you feed/nurture yourself regularly? How?
25. If any, what are your hobbies? What do you do for fun?
26. What are you good at?
27. Lifestyle: Describe your grooming habits? How long does it take you to get dressed? How often do you typically bathe? Brush your teeth?
28. Childrearing: How were your disciplined as a child? What's your opinion on time out? Spanking?
29. Spirituality: How do you define it? Are you religious? How important is it that your mate share your beliefs?

30. Are you an employee or entrepreneur? Or both? To what extent?

I support you and I wish you the best!
Myisha

PS: I leave you with resources I received from friends:

Creative Conversation Suggestions for Dating

- Page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6
54 Creative and Constructive Dating Ideas

- Page 1, 2, 3.

The One Thing - Exhorter Extraordinare

Hi Family,

I've wondered about my purpose on earth. Was my profession as a sign language interpreter all there was to me? Nope. Teaching sign language and interpretation was a thrill whose season had ended. I'm compelled to make a difference so I received training as a rape crisis advocate, answering hotline calls and accompanying sexual assault victims to forensic exams. I'd, later, write a book on Christianity (http://www.firmfoundationchristian.com/) after seeing recent converts ("Babes in Christ") falter for lack of nurturing. Now at 32, I'm glad to announce the one thing I've been gifted with that I affirm as my overall identity. Dear hearts, my name is Myisha J. Blackman and I'm an exhorter.

I discovered this was my spiritual gift while in grad school. I look over my life and see how God has used my words, my personality, and my writing, among other things, to come alongside people who are down, hurting, alone or vulnerable, to show love, compassion, and simply lift them up.

"I'm an exhorter" feels so good to say. This special ability keeps me up at night and I daydream about ways to comfort and encourage people. I'll keep it real. I've been half-hearted concerning other areas of my life. But this one thing about me is something I vow to refine. So much of what I do, I'm coming to realize, is a direct result of being an exhorter:

a. hospital visits
b. befriending people who are alone, sick, etc.
c. calling, texting, emailing people to see how they are
d. contacting friends during vulnerable times (Mothers Day, Fathers Day, birthdays of deceased loved ones)
e. sensitivity to those discouraged, in need, or rejected
f. frustration upon hearing talk of powerlessness
g. bragging about someone in front of them and others
h. upset over seeing suffering, people in trouble, and kids being mistreated
i. suggesting specific ways to improve one's circumstances, help change one's thinking
j. showing acceptance
k. expressing that I care or miss someone (e.g, when I haven't seen him/her for a while)
m. challenging to take an alternate view (i.e., to seemingly destructive thinking patterns)
n. urging to pursue one's dreams
o. having an optimistic view (orientation) toward the world
p. being supportive and reassuring

I must confess that I haven't always been meek when challenging or otherwise interacting with people. At times, I've been militant and harsh. If I've hurt you in any way, please forgive me. I'm getting better. I'm learning to love God's way: with gentleness and warmth, having love as my motivation.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I serve the Lord and the planet to the best of my ability and beyond.

Still rooting for you,
Myisha